Hello My Friend, I'm Nadine.
Welcome to an open and honest conversation about breast cancer.
A month after I turned 60, I was diagnosed with stage 3, grade 3, triple-negative breast cancer which is in my left breast and lymph nodes in the armpit area. I am doing the Keynote 522 protocol which is grueling. Mine involves in this order: 20 weeks of chemo with immunotherapy, surgery (single mastectomy with reconstruction), 33 sessions of radiation, more immunotherapy, and then at home chemo (pill form) for 6 months. All in all, this will take about a year and a half to complete.
My hair was longer and purple on week 1 of chemo and I buzzed it right after because I knew what was coming and didn’t want my hair falling out and making a mess on my sheets.
After week 2, I shaved it all off, right down to the nitty gritty scalp. It was shocking that I could see the fontanelles like a baby’s soft skull. Luckily, I know my skull is solid because my brothers dropped me on my head plenty of times growing up and it never cracked!
Why I Write
In April 2024, I was thinking that I would start this blog and document the process of going through my cancer diagnosis. I built the website and then didn’t want to even think about cancer so I never wrote in it. I was overwhelmed with life at that point.
But then in October, after 20 weeks of chemo – 12 weeks of Taxol and Carboplatin, and 8 weeks of “the red devil” Adriamycin and Cytoxan – the cancer stopped responding and started to grow again. I decided it was time to reach others going through this disease and in the process, perhaps give myself a purpose. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I know that talking about it and sharing my perspective might help someone else. You know that saying…there’s comfort in numbers.
I live in Massachusetts where we have a plethora of top rated hospitals and doctors but that doesn’t mean they aren’t infallible. We’ve made mistakes along the way but one thing I’ve learned is that it’s trial and error with cancer. It’s not a one size fits all and not every person gets all the side effects or has the same response rate. Expect curveballs. Hope for miracles. Write yourself a letter when you feel well to your future self that doesn’t feel well about staying the course. That helped me.
So, let’s be warriors together.
A Timeline of Events
Jan 2024 - Alzheimer's Disease
My Mom was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago and I soon became her main caregiver and health decision-maker. We would eventually have to move her to assisted living and then to the memory care unit. It was in January 2024, that she started taking a turn for the worse. She became more confused and needed more care with daily living activities. Taking care of her was my full-time job and it was exhausting for both of us. I should have taken better care of myself - both physically and mentally - but I was constantly putting out fires.
Mar 2024 - Finding a Lump
March 7th, 2024. I found the lump under my armpit while showering and shaving. It felt like the size of a grape. I made an appointment for the following week to see my primary care doctor. I will never forget the NP coming into the exam room and saying, "You waited too long." Yes, she was right because I had missed my mammogram, but those words will haunt me forever. Like I wasn't feeling bad enough or had enough on my plate...
Apr 2024 - Core Biopsy
April 24, 2024. I had a breast core biopsy. This was so much easier than I was expecting. I only felt the numbing medication which wasn't bad. I think the anxiety of it was worse than anything. It took about a week (May 1) to get the pathologic diagnosis of "Invasive ductal carcinoma with squamous features, grade 3, compatible with metaplastic carcinoma." Once they had that information, things went into hyperdrive.
Apr 2024 - Saying Goodbye to Mom
March and April were horrific. Late March, Mom fell and broke her hip 2 days after we moved her into the memory care unit. She had surgery and then rehab. We got her back to the memory care unit but she was already in the process of transitioning from this world. She had stopped eating and drinking. Not only was I trying to wrap my head around my illness, but I spent every day and night with her in the final month she was alive advocating for her and caring for her. We called in hospice and she passed on April 28th. I never told her I had cancer.
May 2024 - Starting Chemo
4 days after Mom died, I was in the oncologist's office scheduling chemo for the next week. I would start with a chemo combo of Taxol and Carboplatin along with Keytruda as immunotherapy. But first I would need a bone scan, CT of my chest and abdomen, and a port placed in my chest for IV access. This all happened in a matter of days and I started chemo on May 7th, 2024. The CT scan results came back and showed something suspicious on my left ovary so I would also go for a pelvic ultrasound to rule out cancer. So much of this is a blur.
May 2024 - The Blood Clot
May 25, 2024. Cancer can change the way your blood clots. It can make the blood thicker and when I had the surgical procedure to have the port placed in my chest, it caused a blood clot in my neck. I spent three days in the hospital having ultrasound imaging done and being placed on blood thinners. I'll be on blood thinners for a long time - as long as there is cancer.
Jul 2024 - The Fever
Jul 11, 2024. I received chemo in the morning and later in the evening I developed a fever and headache. My temp was 103.2 F and my team was concerned about infection. I would spend two days in the hospital receiving powerful antibiotics only to find there was no infection whatsoever. But when your bloodwork is so low from the chemo, they have to treat it as though something nasty is happening. They chalk this up to being a "febrile illness," which just means I got a fever from the chemo making me so anemic.
Aug 2024 - Blood Transfusions and Another Fever
Aug 23, 2024. I knew my bloodwork was low because I felt like absolute garbage. My heart rate would jump to 130 beats per minute just standing up from the couch and moving 15 feet to the kitchen sink. My body couldn't keep up. I would have a blood transfusion (Aug 22) to help with my red blood count. Then one day later, insult is added to injury. Here we go again with another fever. This time it's 103.5 F and I don't want to go. My husband is about to lose his mind. Fine. I'll go. Once again, the doctors order heavy antibiotics and I am admitted for three days. Guess what - they never found an infection. But sepsis is a real thing and people die from it so they can't be too careful. They end up doing another blood transfusion (Aug 26) because my numbers are still so low.
Oct 2024 - The Port Issue
Oct 22, 2024. There is a small pinhole opening at the site of the port incision on the right side of my chest. Interventional Radiology (IR) thinks the port should come out but my oncologist wants to do everything to save it because I still need 9 more immunotherapy transfusions after surgery. I am put on antibiotics for 7 days and follow up with IR. The antibiotics seem to be working and a scab has formed over the pinhole. 6 days before surgery, the scab falls off and the pinhole is bigger. Everyone agrees the port must come out due to risk of infection. This is a quick two-hour procedure where they numb the area, make an incision over the existing one, and remove the port. The catheter portion is sent to pathology to check for infection.
Nov 2024 - The Mastectomy
Nov 12, 2024. The tumors in my chest and armpit are large and a lumpectomy is ruled out as an option. I have chosen a mastectomy with an immediate implant. There is great debate around this issue from my team. Two of my doctors recommend it and one thinks a tissue expander is better. I don't want to have to go for another surgery so that's why I chose immediate implant. 24 hours before surgery, it gets called off because the culture came back from the port and there is a bacterial infection. I am becoming numb to emotion and I've lost my sense of humor about this. Can ANYTHING just go right?